In an unprecedented turn of events Mr. Bassoon, my high school Spanish teacher, was spotted working at Whole Foods this past weekend. Witnesses report that he was shoveling marinated mushrooms into the barrels at the olive bar and was in good spirits.
Mr. Bassoon teaches Spanish to 9th and 10th graders seeking to further their middle school education of a foreign language. His hands-on approach to learning includes classroom participation by way of educational games, plus performances of translated scenes from his students’ favorite movies and TV shows.
Witnesses report that Mr. Bassoon was shoveling marinated mushrooms into the barrels at the olive bar and was in good spirits.
After further research, it was noted that Mr. Bassoon continues to teach high school Spanish and has not opted for a full-time career at Whole Foods. Darlene Fungus, manager of Whole Foods, informed reporters that Mr. Bassoon began working at the grocer almost a year ago. His reasons, according to Fungus, were to pad his income since the district began cutting the education budget. She states that money raised for the brand new scoreboard on the football field, unfortunately, meant that other departments would suffer, which included the salaries of long-tenured teachers like Mr. Bassoon.
In recent years, the district has removed or reduced funding for the following programs for high school students: arts and music education programs, afterschool snacks, A/V club, theater prop collection, math books, library personnel, Mr. Bassoon’s salary, chairs, pencil sharpeners, anything not related to athletics, and courtroom representation against private schools seeking to commandeer public school properties.
Mr. Bassoon could not be reached for comment for this story, but he recently posted on Facebook that we should try “these weird, rice cracker thingies” and in a separate post, checked in at Whole Foods.
Have you said hola to Mr. Bassoon lately? Let us know!