He lives on Drury Lane. He is known as The Muffin Man. And while he may live on as a nursery rhyme legend, how much do we really know about The Muffin Man?
First things first, The Muffin Man never made muffins. His only connection to muffins is as a founder of a company called Fluff ‘n Plump, using money he made while managing a hedge fund. At FnP, The Muffin Man obtained a license to manufacture a muffin that miraculously cured shingles. And as shares of his company steadfastly rose, The Muffin Man began raising the price of his muffins from $1.50 to 30 frikkin’ bucks a pop. Naturally, there was outrage, and the Muffin Man became known as The Muffin Bro.
Fully aware of his situation, The Muffin Bro denied any wrongdoing, citing “This is called free market capitalism.” Meanwhile, demand for those shingles muffins spiked, but the cost was just too much, and victims of shingles were losing their battle.
The Muffin Bro, often the target of ire on Twitter, embraced his villainous role. Throughout the court proceedings for which he was asked about price gouging, The Muffin Bro was often seen smirking, even taunting onlookers and rolling his eyes at the judge asking questions.
Once the dust of his court case settled, The Muffin Bro remained in the spotlight by livestreaming himself making fun of shingles victims on Twitch, and then outbidding buyers at an auction for an extremely rare Weird Al Yankovic album that had only pressed one copy.
Nowadays, The Muffin Bro is serving time in Honka Honka prison for white collar crimes including insider trading, fraud, and resting his balls on muffins when no one is looking. And now, sadly…now you know the Muffin Man.
NOSHKONG 