Man Kicked Out of Restaurant for Using the Phrase ‘Flavor Profile’

Alfonso Mureaux, an alias for Jack Norris of Wendell County, was forcibly removed from GardenDust Friday night for his excessive use of the phrase “flavor profile”. Witnesses say Norris began using the phrase during his appetizer, then continued during his main course, and then his dessert, which was more than the staff at GardenDust could handle.

“He wouldn’t stop. It sounded like he was trying to make a good impression on his date, but he was really just mimicking what he read in a blog,” said Andrea Nock, who dined nearby.

Norris’ appetizer consisted of something fried with a sauce on the side, to which witnesses say, “He kept saying it was light and airy, but lacked a sufficient flavor profile because all he was tasting was oil.”

During the main course, Norris had ordered a pork chop with a mango salsa and continued to address the ingredients used, this time with more volume in his voice.

“We wanted him to just shut the fuck up, honestly,” said Nock, who was celebrating her 46-day anniversary with some guy she met off OKCupid.

By the time Norris’ dessert was delivered, that was all chef Mickey Splickey could take. After a barrage of impressions by staff that mocked Norris, Splickey grabbed Norris by his sweater vest and promptly escorted him out as diners applauded. Norris’ date followed upon chugging the rest of her Chablis.

“It’s really kind of a shame that a guy like that needs to come in here and pretend like he knows a fuckin cheeseburger from a tin of Ukrainian caviar,” said Alex Bongdoovian, a waiter at GardenDust. He continues, “You don’t have any weed do you?”

Norris could not be reached for comment. GardenDust opened 3 weeks ago to rave reviews. They are set to close in 2 weeks because of rent hikes.  


Published by NOSHKONG

A food blog. Kinda.

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